dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
