you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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