I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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