I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
