good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
