I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
