Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
