Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
