we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
