I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
