So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
