We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
