I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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