actually, I'm a sock model
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
