oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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