woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
