How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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