why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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