benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
