I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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