Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
