i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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