I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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