I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
