Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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