i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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