I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
