It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
