everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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