there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
