I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
