I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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