Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
