if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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