I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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