can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
