Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
