Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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