There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
