I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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