I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
