that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
