Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
