Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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