Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
