i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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