I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
