Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
