soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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