Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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