even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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